Come on Texas! Lean to Cook Crawfish!

We get it, Texas. Crawfish boils are awesome. We understand why you want to chow down on these tasty critters.  In a commercial for H.E.B., a grocery chain, the owner of a Texas winery throws a boil for his customers. Clearly a few of the finer points of a boil got lost between South Louisiana and Central Texas.

I was told that everything is bigger in Texas. Apparently that doesn’t apply to pots. Look at that tiny thing. And the man says he’s boiling 300 pounds of crawfish.  When the crawfish hits the tables, all the Texans pounce with their tongs to grab those mudbugs as fast as they can. And I get that. Clearly, there isn’t enough to go around. Wait a minute. Back up. Tongs? Tongs?!?  Why do they all have tongs?  The man says he’s boiling for a “few hundred customers,” which is awfully nice of him. So that’s at least 200 people. And he said that he’s boiling 300 pounds of crawfish.  Do the math and that works out to meager 1-1/2 pounds of crawfish per person. 2 pounds for out-of-towners.”  Texans have some strange ideas about a crawfish boils.